Surreal

Can someone please pinch me????..I am sitting at my desk at work crying because I am so excited that Little Miss has the teacher we know for Kindergarten. If you know me at all you know that I am not generally a person who cries. Granted, meeting my love and entering this part of life has turned me into a much more emotional person. I don’t mean someone like Moaning Myrtle, but you get the point. I don’t see it as weak or anything of that nature, I just don’t normally cry. I know I’m not crying over the teacher. I’m aware it’s the whole kindergarten thing in general…but still. Who am I? I am not sitting here browsing the entertainment portion of cnn.com. I no longer care who is dating who or what someone wore on the red carpet. I do however care about the new Twilight movie..no changes in life will ever change that! I am on the edge of my seat waiting to hear all about kindergarten registration. And I LOVE it!

 

The irony that my life has become never fails to amaze me. I can’t get over how different things are now than I ever planned for them to be. I am a huge planner. Not a large notebook or calendar someone carries around…but I do like to plan. I was way off on how this whole life thing would go. Today is a day of so many emotions. There are all the normal ones of course. Wow! I can’t believe she’s so big! What a great start to a new page in life…. blah blah blah.  I am dealing with different thoughts too. Because I’m a step-mom and not a mom, I also get to have a whole laundry list of other thoughts you natural moms have the joy of missing out on.  Am I allowed to be this emotional about this? Am I stepping on toes in some way here? If I am, whose toes are they and can we get them out of my way please? Not to mention that as a step-mom figure, at least at this juncture, I take a back seat to some things. If you are a liberal woman, please don’t get in a huff about my previous statement. In no way does my love make me feel like I am supposed to be a back seat driver for the remainder of our days. He does a wonderful job making sure I know and feel like I am a crucial part of raising the kids. He makes this situation easy and wonderful. It’s just that some things are still more difficult. And by some things, I mean ex-wife number 2. This would be the mother of Little Miss. There is so much to say…I digress.

 

I am perfectly accepting of taking the backseat on some things for now. It does however come with feelings I am not always sure how to handle. I know Little Miss was nervous to go to school. We talked about that one night earlier this week with her. She has been quite the handful this morning with the moodiness. Here I sit, feeling helpless somehow and I’m not even sure what it is I feel helpless about. I feel like I am supposed to be there at school with them and no other place on Earth. A year ago I didn’t even know her. I would be sitting here barely awake, with a pounding headache from last night’s fun just hoping to make it to 5:00 PM. So many thoughts run through my head right now. I don’t recognize this person I am, this quasi-soccer mom. But somehow I feel like I’ve known her all my life and she is exactly who I am supposed to be. I guess it’s time I got some work done. If you need me I’ll be here, in the giant pile of soccer mom Kleenex I have created.