The Small Things

Am I the only person amazed by the calendar today? I can’t believe tomorrow we turn the page and it is already September. So much has happened since my last entry. Life has been very busy on the soccer mom front. Little Miss has started kindergarten and loves it so much! We’re so glad she enjoys school. I wonder how long before the “What’d you do today” question that is followed by 10 minutes of rambling about the day turns into “nothing”.

Today I direct my attention for this entry to something I know all moms can relate to. Coupons. I have become obsessed with saving money! Don’t misunderstand me though, I do not carry a giant binder and I do not buy 18 tubes of toothpaste just because I can for cheap.  More than likely I will not hold you up in line if you are behind me so rest easy. I don’t like the idea of couponing. I see it as a form of hoarding and an obsession, unless you donate to the food banks and shelters. I know people who do the intense couponing would never see it that way, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I’m also not willing to budge on the types of groceries we buy, so this massive form of couponing is just too much for us. I do however love to save money. I buy a lot of discounts online. I try to collect normal coupons for things we buy. I love the Sunday ritual of reading the paper and cutting out the needed coupons. However last Sunday, something different occurred to me. I sat there with my scissors and Sunday paper, cutting out the coupons and thought in my head…they don’t make coupons for vodka…is this really me cutting out a coupon to save 2.7 cents on Crayola crayons??? I can’t believe this is me. I’m the one who sets timers for deadlines for Little Miss. I make sandwiches with just the right amount of peanut butter and jelly. I squirt ketchup in just the right spot of the chicken nugget box for dipping fries. I dry hair on bath nights and I sing the tooth brush song while we brush teeth. As a side note: the toothbrush song came from an electric Mickey Mouse toothbrush I got the Christmas I was 5. He sang the song. Why I remember that, I’ll never know.  It will never cease to amaze me how much more I do and know now. Nor will it cease to amaze me how natural and wonderful the whole thing is.

When we use that coupon I cut out I’ll be proud. When I show my love the receipt for the discounted product, I’ll be excited. I do not expect that he would be. Not for 2.7 cents, but I’m still going to show him. And I’m still going to keep clipping coupons, because eventually 2.7 cents adds up! I guess it’s just the same as everything with the kids. There are parts of life that some parents see as time consuming and picky. These are the things that make a difference to the kids. So I’ll keep clipping coupons and singing the toothbrush song because one day I know somehow all of what I do will have made a difference to them.

Surreal

Can someone please pinch me????..I am sitting at my desk at work crying because I am so excited that Little Miss has the teacher we know for Kindergarten. If you know me at all you know that I am not generally a person who cries. Granted, meeting my love and entering this part of life has turned me into a much more emotional person. I don’t mean someone like Moaning Myrtle, but you get the point. I don’t see it as weak or anything of that nature, I just don’t normally cry. I know I’m not crying over the teacher. I’m aware it’s the whole kindergarten thing in general…but still. Who am I? I am not sitting here browsing the entertainment portion of cnn.com. I no longer care who is dating who or what someone wore on the red carpet. I do however care about the new Twilight movie..no changes in life will ever change that! I am on the edge of my seat waiting to hear all about kindergarten registration. And I LOVE it!

 

The irony that my life has become never fails to amaze me. I can’t get over how different things are now than I ever planned for them to be. I am a huge planner. Not a large notebook or calendar someone carries around…but I do like to plan. I was way off on how this whole life thing would go. Today is a day of so many emotions. There are all the normal ones of course. Wow! I can’t believe she’s so big! What a great start to a new page in life…. blah blah blah.  I am dealing with different thoughts too. Because I’m a step-mom and not a mom, I also get to have a whole laundry list of other thoughts you natural moms have the joy of missing out on.  Am I allowed to be this emotional about this? Am I stepping on toes in some way here? If I am, whose toes are they and can we get them out of my way please? Not to mention that as a step-mom figure, at least at this juncture, I take a back seat to some things. If you are a liberal woman, please don’t get in a huff about my previous statement. In no way does my love make me feel like I am supposed to be a back seat driver for the remainder of our days. He does a wonderful job making sure I know and feel like I am a crucial part of raising the kids. He makes this situation easy and wonderful. It’s just that some things are still more difficult. And by some things, I mean ex-wife number 2. This would be the mother of Little Miss. There is so much to say…I digress.

 

I am perfectly accepting of taking the backseat on some things for now. It does however come with feelings I am not always sure how to handle. I know Little Miss was nervous to go to school. We talked about that one night earlier this week with her. She has been quite the handful this morning with the moodiness. Here I sit, feeling helpless somehow and I’m not even sure what it is I feel helpless about. I feel like I am supposed to be there at school with them and no other place on Earth. A year ago I didn’t even know her. I would be sitting here barely awake, with a pounding headache from last night’s fun just hoping to make it to 5:00 PM. So many thoughts run through my head right now. I don’t recognize this person I am, this quasi-soccer mom. But somehow I feel like I’ve known her all my life and she is exactly who I am supposed to be. I guess it’s time I got some work done. If you need me I’ll be here, in the giant pile of soccer mom Kleenex I have created.

Some background....

A year ago I was in a life that would have been considered “perfect”by most people’s standards. Married to my high school sweetheart and everything on track to follow “the plan” that society has created for all of us. Maybe after we both finished school we’d have a few kids, family vacations etc etc. At some point this all changed for me. Do you ever wake up and just have the gut feeling that something is off? Well, imagine waking up with that every single day. Even now it’s hard to put my finger on it exactly. I just never felt content. The fairy tale never said Prince Charming wouldn’t be as wonderful as we all assume he will be. It never mentioned he would show so much interest in Cinderella’s friends..I also apparently missed the part of the fairy tale story where Prince Charming LOOKS like an action figure, but the action portion of the..ahem..battle…never lasts longer than a few minutes. Luckily for Cinderella there is plenty of action to be found in other things made of plastic. It never mentioned the months we’d spend apart while he was away for work either. I was left on my own to find entertainment and I was basically left to rediscover my party girl roots.. I enjoyed nights out in the city, spent almost all my time with friends, not nearly enough with family. Sorry about that if you’re family and reading this…I went to work every day..well most days. Sometimes it is hard when the days and nights all run together. If I made it in to the office  I used it mostly as a recovery period. It was always nice to have a few hours to relax somewhere nice and quiet before the next social event began. If you’re my boss, please disregard that previous statement. After work I went to dinner. After dinner the second part of the night started; out with friends until the late hours.

 

Fast forward a year later. I’m divorced, I’m in love with a man who has two kids. They are wonderful. Ironically, a year ago, this man I love was in the same cookie-cutter life I was, that just didn’t feel right. The first child is a 13 year old boy I call Fife (you’d have to see the hat to know why…). If you don’t have a 13 year old boy, you’re missing out. These are the kids who still need you but like to pretend they don’t most of the time. They want grown up privileges with none of the responsibility. These are the ones who have figured out how cool it is to be the defiant person. They’ll figure out later how dumb it was to think that was cool.  You know, the ones with the mouthy attitudes. They are also the ones who come running to you the second they don’t know what to do. And you still love it as much as always.  It’s quite an adventure when you have this person who’s trying to figure themselves out. For most of us, that journey doesn’t ever really go away. The second child, Little Miss, is  4 year old girl who starts kindergarten soon. Not only is she four, but she’s brilliant. I know all parents say that about their kids, but trust me, you have no idea how smart she is. She also has the personality of a 14 year old girl. That’s right, mood swings, crying, and smiles that change your life.

 

It’s amazing how one can go from what you think is normal life to something so different than that. What’s even more amazing is taking a look at your life and realizing that ‘the norm’ just didn’t work for you. That somehow this crazy life with an ex-husband, and two ex-wives and two kids and crazy schedules with no free time is what works for you. THAT is the amazing part. When I sit back and think about myself, I am half shocked, and half not surprised at all. Funny how that is.

 

Our nights are spent on the phone with Fife, with Little Miss trying to video chat with ex-wife numero 2. We cook dinner, check the schedule for the next day to see who has what kid when. Bath time has screaming, there is whining over Little Miss needing to eat 4 more bites of chicken before she can get up from the table. There is lunch packing and laundry and bed time reading. After all of it, we collapse onto the couch, look at each other and know that even more than yesterday, our life is finally how it should be. Life is so uncertain, but I know two things for sure. Just like everyone has always said about love, when you know you know. And the second thing: there will never be a dull moment in the life of a party girl turned soccer mom.